Wow, the last time I wrote on this blog I was prepping for surgery on my uterus to try to improve fertility in hopes that we could become pregnant. Sooooo, let’s do some catching up since that was almost 3 years ago!!!!
So we ended up doing IVF and it was a big fat failure. We actually were pretty traumatized from the whole experience. I hated the place we ended up at. The staff was so condescending to me, it was just an awful horrible experience that cost us thousands and yielded no results. We were devastated. I was a wreck. During this time our family members on each side were getting pregnant and growing their families as well as friends. It felt like the reminder of what we couldn’t achieve was everywhere. The line between joy and grief is a blurry one. One I had to work very very hard to navigate. So we decided no more ivf, we wouldn’t continue to pour money into something that was so unsuccessful - how unsuccessful you may ask???? - well most the time you end up with embryos from IVF and then you transfer them in hopes they implant and you become pregnant. Well we didn’t end up with an egg that would even fertilize. Sooo yea.
So what have we been doing for three years? Well, medicated cycles, diets, home remedies, lots of prayer. All the things and most of all - trying to heal. Infertility wounds a part of your heart so deeply that people can be aware you’re hurting and struggling but the truth is - unless you’ve been there - you can’t understand how deeply you hurt. How you can smile and play with kids and then get in the car and sob the whole way home. It’s very isolating and lonely. We did get pregnant in Jan 2022 and I had positive pregnancy tests for two weeks. It was heaven. Right when we were getting ready to tell everyone I miscarried. Life sure can beat you up. One thing I’m so thankful for is what this has done to Jake and i’s marriage. It kills me to think infertility can cause divorce. I feel so lucky to have Jake. We have grown closer thru this process. I say it all the time but it rings true ‘im so thankful for my Jake’. Geesh, I looooove that man.
Sooo there’s a very fast catch up… now let’s get to what’s happening now!!
Last summer Jake and I took a trip to Colorado and we talked about the possibility of adopting. We decided we would start saving money and try a few other medical things and see where we were at come the new year. The new year approached and still not pregnant. After a lot of prayer we finally decided in March to find an agency. We have started working with a local agency and our application has been approved!!! We are now working thru the INSANE amounts of paperwork for our home study! As soon as the paper work is done (they give you three months to complete the paper work) we will begin our home study… after home study is complete we will go ‘active’ and start looking for a birth mom.
We announced last weekend and a lot of people asked if were already matched, no we aren’t. We are still early in the process but we are excited. And for the first time we feel hopeful this will give us a family. A sign read ‘no bump but still pumped! We are adopting!!! Baby Johnson coming soon’… but we didn’t want to mislead people… we are still searching for baby Johnson. Ha. With that said, our agency also down private adoptions… so if there is anyone reading this that knows a birth mom wanting to place her child for adoption please prayerfully consider reaching out to Jake and I. We have a fundraiser we are planning for June that I will get out more info on in the coming weeks but more than anything we need prayer. This is exciting and scary and intimidating but we definitely feel it’s where god is leading us. When you have heard ‘no’ for over 4 years it’s easy to get paranoid and fearful that this process won’t work for us either… but all we can do is close our eyes and walk by faith! The outpouring of love has been overwhelming. We cannot wait to be parents! Thankyou for all your support! We love you!
