I love Christmas music. Weeks ago I made my way into Kohls and purchased Bing Crosbys Christmas cd and have been listening to it religiously in my car, on my computer, iphone and ipod... (get the picture?) I love it. Christmas music feels so "home-ish" to me. Its warm, its inviting, its relaxing, it says to me "remember all the good in the world that comes with this time of year"... i. just. love. it. And Its not just Bing that I'm crazy about.. its christmas music in general... from nsync's christmas to my beloved Grinch. This compilation of compositions warms my heart like no other :)
So, you get the picture, I love Christmas music... and I've been listening to it a lot lately... I'll be Home for Christmas (which I will), Jingle Bells, Here comes Santa Claus and joy to the world. :)
I was waking up this morning after a rough night. I have had this past week off work which has been nice... I miss those adorable little kiddos but its been nice having days to get some things done and lets be real... NOT waking up at 6 am hasnt hurt. :) But with days full of wonderful nothingness comes thoughts full of everything. I have never thought of myself as much of an over-analyzer or thinker... but I have to admit in my old age i'm thinking more. It all started Monday (when I got home from my parents for thanksgiving). I have planned with my brother and sister for weeks now to go get a real tree for my place after thanksgiving. The plan was to go get one this Friday But because of conflicting schedules (not on MY part) it wasnt going to work, after trying to find another time I came to the conclusion that this year I would be getting a tree and putting it up by myself. Kind of a bummer. I am now sitting on my couch still putting off getting one. My whole apartment is decorated for christmas... and then there is this....
This is the awkward, huge, empty space in my living room that I made for a tree that has yet to be placed there. I HAVE to get a tree today. I'm just putting it off because I didnt want to do it alone. My whole life putting up the tree has been a big deal, our family sets a time to do it and we all gather together and put up the ornaments from our childhood and listen to music. I just wanted my first christmas in my own place to be similar to that. (serves me right for wanting to live ALONE!) ..... can you tell I'm upset? ha. So I'll no doubt go today and put up my tree and everything will be fine... I can promise you one thing.. BING will be there.. he never disappoints ... not that my siblings have disappointed me because they havent. I totally understand that they have busy schedules as do i. Its hard to find a time to do stuff. I'm not mad at them. I'm just. mad. And Last night I was really mad.... let me tell ya. (no, for real, I'm about to tell you).
So I came home from class at about 930 and walked into my apartment, took a shower and sat down to drink some hot tea before bed (dont you love this meaning-less details?) As I was sitting down I was looking at my apartment and all the christmas decorations I have put up and yet it still doesnt feel like christmas.... mostly because of the picture above. Then I thought about Home and missing it (its was beyond wonderful to be "home" for thanksgiving) then I thought about talking to my mom earlier that day. She had called to see how my day was going and I had missed her call so she was calling again to make sure I was okay... in our conversation she said this... "I just wanted to check on ya sis, you do live alone... if anything happened how would we know?". So true. :) and such a sweet delightful mama for caring so much about me.
But that sentence rang in my mind all night. I do like living alone. Its what i wanted. I didnt really wanna do the whole room-mate thing. Its just that word... "alone". I have hated the word my whole life. "alone". that word gives me the same feelings that the word "mufasa" gives the hyenas in Lion King. I have always despised it. Even as a little girl, I never wanted to be alone.... my poor sister had to deal with my fear of being alone by constantly going with me everywhere... we are talking bathroom, upstairs, anywhere that was dark. (oh come on, you know you did it too, I know i'm not alone in this (theres that darn word again)). Me and my sister even slept in the same bed for YEARS because I hated being alone so much. I think she kinda shared my fear so she didnt mind too much... she only complained when I would ask her to rub my back till I fell asleep... (ok ok, I was alittle needy).
Why did I start talking about this?? OH YEA.. I hate the word ALONE. back.on.track.
So I have never wanted to be alone and yet here I am in an apartment in a different state than my parents living.... (i'm not going to say it)..... by myself. :)
And although I often enjoy being... by myself... cant I just have someone help me put on the stinkin' tree??!
Okay, now onto the moral of the story... :) I was waking up this morning with a sore throat and stuffy nose and feeling all around "poopy", sitting on my couch (where I still remain) staring at that ugly, empty space in my living room when I started to hum a little christmas song.... (they always cheer me up)....
Joy to the world... our Saviour reigns. Let men their songs employ...
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains...
repeat the sounding joy...
repeat the sounding joy.
repeat, repeat the sounding joy.
Repeat the sounding Joy??? I love how God can get to me with four words and start to change my attitude. It was almost like i heard His voice saying...
"i know, things arent PERFECT... i know there are things your tired of... I know you are dealing with some "things"... i know. BUT repeat the sounding joy."
So, what's your joy? Is it your family? It is your spouse? It is your ministry? Maybe its the new blessing God sent you this year? Maybe its the dream house you FINALLY got... it could be a million things. Or maybe its been a hard year and you cant think of a joy off the top of your head.. in which case I would suggest you look at the joy the song is referring to... which is precisely what I am doing. The joy is that Jesus was born to come and bring us freedom. To show us the greatest love of all in something as sweet and perfect as a baby boy. He came so that we could have a direct relationship with Him. I'm so thankful that He is constant. And that He is with me thru all these seasons I'm experiencing.. the wonderful, the hard, the trying, the fun... all of it.. He is walking beside me helping me get through. He didnt have to come... but He came :)
....... thats the Joy worth repeating.
