Repeat the Sounding Joy

Repeat the Sounding Joy....

I love Christmas music. Weeks ago I made my way into Kohls and purchased Bing Crosbys Christmas cd and have been listening to it religiously in my car, on my computer, iphone and ipod... (get the picture?) I love it. Christmas music feels so "home-ish" to me. Its warm, its inviting, its relaxing, it says to me "remember all the good in the world that comes with this time of year"... i. just. love. it. And Its not just Bing that I'm crazy about.. its christmas music in general... from nsync's christmas to my beloved Grinch. This compilation of compositions warms my heart like no other :)

So, you get the picture, I love Christmas music... and I've been listening to it a lot lately... I'll be Home for Christmas (which I will), Jingle Bells, Here comes Santa Claus and joy to the world. :)

I was waking up this morning after a rough night. I have had this past week off work which has been nice... I miss those adorable little kiddos but its been nice having days to get some things done and lets be real... NOT waking up at 6 am hasnt hurt. :) But with days full of wonderful nothingness comes thoughts full of everything. I have never thought of myself as much of an over-analyzer or thinker... but I have to admit in my old age i'm thinking more. It all started Monday (when I got home from my parents for thanksgiving). I have planned with my brother and sister for weeks now to go get a real tree for my place after thanksgiving. The plan was to go get one this Friday But because of conflicting schedules (not on MY part) it wasnt going to work, after trying to find another time I came to the conclusion that this year I would be getting a tree and putting it up by myself. Kind of a bummer. I am now sitting on my couch still putting off getting one. My whole apartment is decorated for christmas... and then there is this....

This is the awkward, huge, empty space in my living room that I made for a tree that has yet to be placed there. I HAVE to get a tree today. I'm just putting it off because I didnt want to do it alone. My whole life putting up the tree has been a big deal, our family sets a time to do it and we all gather together and put up the ornaments from our childhood and listen to music. I just wanted my first christmas in my own place to be similar to that. (serves me right for wanting to live ALONE!) ..... can you tell I'm upset? ha. So I'll no doubt go today and put up my tree and everything will be fine... I can promise you one thing.. BING will be there.. he never disappoints ... not that my siblings have disappointed me because they havent. I totally understand that they have busy schedules as do i. Its hard to find a time to do stuff. I'm not mad at them. I'm just. mad. And Last night I was really mad.... let me tell ya. (no, for real, I'm about to tell you).

So I came home from class at about 930 and walked into my apartment, took a shower and sat down to drink some hot tea before bed (dont you love this meaning-less details?) As I was sitting down I was looking at my apartment and all the christmas decorations I have put up and yet it still doesnt feel like christmas.... mostly because of the picture above. Then I thought about Home and missing it (its was beyond wonderful to be "home" for thanksgiving) then I thought about talking to my mom earlier that day. She had called to see how my day was going and I had missed her call so she was calling again to make sure I was okay... in our conversation she said this... "I just wanted to check on ya sis, you do live alone... if anything happened how would we know?". So true. :) and such a sweet delightful mama for caring so much about me.

But that sentence rang in my mind all night. I do like living alone. Its what i wanted. I didnt really wanna do the whole room-mate thing. Its just that word... "alone". I have hated the word my whole life. "alone". that word gives me the same feelings that the word "mufasa" gives the hyenas in Lion King. I have always despised it. Even as a little girl, I never wanted to be alone.... my poor sister had to deal with my fear of being alone by constantly going with me everywhere... we are talking bathroom, upstairs, anywhere that was dark. (oh come on, you know you did it too, I know i'm not alone in this (theres that darn word again)). Me and my sister even slept in the same bed for YEARS because I hated being alone so much. I think she kinda shared my fear so she didnt mind too much... she only complained when I would ask her to rub my back till I fell asleep... (ok ok, I was alittle needy).

Why did I start talking about this?? OH YEA.. I hate the word ALONE. back.on.track.

So I have never wanted to be alone and yet here I am in an apartment in a different state than my parents living.... (i'm not going to say it)..... by myself. :)

And although I often enjoy being... by myself... cant I just have someone help me put on the stinkin' tree??!

Okay, now onto the moral of the story... :) I was waking up this morning with a sore throat and stuffy nose and feeling all around "poopy", sitting on my couch (where I still remain) staring at that ugly, empty space in my living room when I started to hum a little christmas song.... (they always cheer me up)....

Joy to the world... our Saviour reigns. Let men their songs employ...

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains...

repeat the sounding joy...

repeat the sounding joy.

repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

Repeat the sounding Joy??? I love how God can get to me with four words and start to change my attitude. It was almost like i heard His voice saying...

"i know, things arent PERFECT... i know there are things your tired of... I know you are dealing with some "things"... i know. BUT repeat the sounding joy."

So, what's your joy? Is it your family? It is your spouse? It is your ministry? Maybe its the new blessing God sent you this year? Maybe its the dream house you FINALLY got... it could be a million things. Or maybe its been a hard year and you cant think of a joy off the top of your head.. in which case I would suggest you look at the joy the song is referring to... which is precisely what I am doing. The joy is that Jesus was born to come and bring us freedom. To show us the greatest love of all in something as sweet and perfect as a baby boy. He came so that we could have a direct relationship with Him. I'm so thankful that He is constant. And that He is with me thru all these seasons I'm experiencing.. the wonderful, the hard, the trying, the fun... all of it.. He is walking beside me helping me get through. He didnt have to come... but He came :)

....... thats the Joy worth repeating.

the adventures of auntie b :)

I cant believe almost a whole year has passed since I began this blog... its been so fun.

Im currently sitting in my newly "moved around" living room (had to make room for the christmas tree I AM putting up before thanksgiving) with hot tea and candles lit.

ahhh... I really do love my home. and most the time I love living here alone and enjoying the peace and quiet and always being the keeper of the remote. :)

** I can watch state fair as many times as I want and nobody complains... **

I finally feel like this place is my own... and it looks like me.. i guess. :) Just feels good. :)

Emory and Hayden are doing so wonderful... I cut Emorys hair for Picture day, she looked adorable. She kept walking thru the house running her fingers through her hair while saying to herself.. "Oooooh my goodness.. show mommy"... too stinking cute! Hayden is officially in love with me which is good because I'm crazy about that little man, he is constantly giving

me the flirting eyes and smiles.... whatta way to spend your days eh? I'm a lucky girl.

School is great.. I have given about 20 haircuts including some of my sisters friends. :) ha... If your in the Olathe area and want a free haircut then CALL me! I need practice. :) ps: I'm good... and have YET to mess up... your in good hands :)

I have my 4th exam tomorrow and really should be studying.. (i cant believe I have re-entered the world of studying.. grody.) I really do love the classes though and my instructor says I'm a natural.. I feel like I've found my nitch (or niece for all you Boy meets world fans).

Speaking of NIECE...

I dont have a niece of nephew but I have a ton of fake ones... (shout out to Harrison, Josh, Jaz, Grace, Addi and Paigers) But It all started with Josh :) He is the little love of my life! :) I've blogged about him before so I'll save the repetitive-ness and just tell you that He and his sister Jaz came to spend the weekend with Auntie B (m-wah) a couple weekends ago and it was sooo stinking fun! WE had jack-o-lantern pizzas and popsicles and koolaid and way too many treats.. watched a movie, played, had a bubble bath (they did... not me). and all slept in my room... Jaz was in the pack n play and josh and I in my bed... I literally felt like I was in a movie as I woke up repeatedly to josh's hands, feet, arms and booty in my face at various times in the night till finally at 730 am I was awoken by a sweet little boys voice asking "Auntie B, you got anything in this place for

breakfast?" *too stinking cute*

And Auntie B DID have something... chocolate chip pancakes... Josh was a happy boy :)

After church I got to go have lunch with the sprat family and catch up.

I really miss them... I miss a lot of things about Omaha but the Spratlen Fam is in a

category of their own.. they are just great people :). AFter lunch we went and took some family pictures... heres just a few...

They are just so great and I had so much fun hanging out with them! :)

Having Josh and Jaz around made me realize how thankful I am for the people in my life...

I think sometimes I forget what I have because I focus so much on what I dont have... for instance... lately I have decided I want a house.. CRAZY right?!! I mean, thats just stupid. Nothing against home-owners (one day I hope to join your club) But I live alone... and I JUST got my FIRST apartment.... and its only been six months. there is this thing called the maintenance man that comes everytime my clog in my shower acts weird and those dont come with houses!!!

I just tend to get ahead of myself. I want a house.. I want a husband (i know i know, broken record) I want a new car... I want more money... I want to be done with school.. I want.. I want... I need.. I need.. blah blah bloppity-blah.

Its in those moments of searching for houses on "homes.com" or looking at baby pictures of the children I do NOT have in pinterest that God stops me and gives me a little slap in the face (in a loving way of course)... "Brookey poo (thats what He calls me)... look at what I've given you.... look at your life... and remember I'm in control.. puh-lease Brooke.. be still..."

Thats what he tells me... So i'm working on listening to that... and being still. :) And remembering what I have and how stinking faithful He has been to me this year. When I was so lost and scared of what the future held... he was holding me.

So thankful for a God who is big enough to hold me up. :) and thankful, very thankful For friends, for family (both of which I'm convinced I got the best of). For a job that I love **how many people can say that??!** and to be back in school learning something I love doing.

How can I complain about not having a house or a husband when God has been so faithful and I've been so lucky? Welp.. i just. cant.

Hold on to your hats people.... I feel a thankful List coming on... maybe next post :)

He sings over me but does my life sing to Him?

Hey friends, told you I was back to the blogging world... this is my third post in like 3 days...

this is either awesome or ridiculous...

definitley awesome. :)

I am currently sitting on the floor in my living room... I should be vacuuming or something... there is plenty to do around here.. like fold a TON of laundry.. but instead Im just sitting here.. on the floor. I just finished painting... i love painting :) I actually just finished two paintings of princesses for Addi and Grace (old nanny family from omaha).

*** side note... when painting try to remember which plastic cup is your sweet tea and which cup is your paint water other wise your in for an unpleasant surprise ****

*** another side note: resolve carpet cleaner is my new best friend.. i use it on everything, carpet, clothes... anything with a stain.. its amaze ****

(i have started to abbrev. everything. examples : amaze, gorg, delish, fab, hyster)... its taking on a life of its own.)

Okay, now to the subject of this post...

I can be negative. I'm sure I'm the only one, none of you can be negative... right?

I can be straight up mean. I hate this about myself yet at I cant deny it.

I have a weird and complex personality.

What I mean is that I am so quick to get over something. I can literally be mad one minute and then totally over it the next... but I am also stubborn... I am super passionate (some people may use the word dramatic but I like "passionate" more). I feel BIG (not I feel "large" but when I feel an emotion I feel it in a BIG way.) and I'm always honest about how I feel and its really hard for me not to voice how I feel. (not always a good thing)

I embellish when I'm heated. I used to embellish all the time, but now its only when Im getting worked up.. and even then its rare. (some people would call it lying but I like "embellish" more).

I am flawed. I mess up. I put me first constantly. I like control.

I... I... I... me.. me.. me. Brooke. Brook. BrookE.

So, today I was really struggling with something going on in my life and I was driving home from work with a MILLION things going thru my mind.... example??

School, schedules, work, family, church, work, money, budget, school, family... it was like a ferris wheel of emotions... just a constant circle...

I turned on my radio to try to block out my loud and annoying thoughts when I heard a lyric to a song playing (on no other station than the good ol' klove.)

"my heart will sing to you"

I dont know what song it was, I had never heard it before and by the time I turned the radio on the song was almost over.... but I caught the part I SO needed to hear.

After hearing it I began to feel this CRAZY conviction...

Does my heart sing to Him?

I feel like my heart sings a million different songs thru out my day. My heart sings to sweet little Hayden and Emory from 7-4. But in between bottles and books, naps and snacks, my heart is singing a million other songs... maybe you've heard them...

"Old Miss Brookey needs more cash... ee-yi-ee-yi-OHHHHHH"

or

"The wheels on my car are going flat, going flat, going flat... I really need more oil stat.. all the way to town."

my heart is singing songs of fear all the time.. songs about self worth.... am I gaining weight? Do I look okay? I need to fix this or that about me...

My heart is singing songs of fear about my future.. whats next? as I slowly let go of the fantasies of childhood I am more and more fearful that I'll live my life alone.

Songs of anxiety... songs of fear... not-s0-nice-songs that a good christian girl shouldnt be singing to herself.

And you know that enemy... he Lo-hoooves this. He creeps right in and thrives on me when I get like this.

Now listen up ya'll. Im a real girl, with real feelings and when I'm wrong I'm really wrong.

(Just wanted to clarify because I know you all think I'm flawless and perfect.)

ARE YOU LAUGHING?

But my point is Im not always strong.. in fact most the time I fail... and today when the enemy came after me I failed. I totally bought into him and started to defend my... "songs". Do you ever do that? You sing these songs over yourself all day long about the things you are NOT or the things you DONT have.... and then defend it??!!

"I just need to complain" "I need to get this off my chest" "im being human" "you would hate it too if you werent happy with your body".... it goes on and on.

Its like the enemy convinces us to defend these.. "songs"... but then after we have defended our "songs" it makes us feel even worse. And the last thing we feel like doing is... singing.

"my heart sings to you".

A couple years ago I heard this worship song called "amazed" and the first lyric is this:

You dance over me while I am unaware.... You sing all around but I never hear a sound.

ugh, that gets me everytime... I just picture the Lord dances slowly and beautifully above me as I go thru my life. I imagine Him looking over my situation and singing over me.

So if God is singing over me then how different would I look (my attitude, my heart, my worth) if I made it priority for my heart to constantly be singing to Him.

And trading out the ee-Yi-ee-Yi-oh for a How Great is our God....

Living a life of singing to him WITH my life. Easy? no way. Probably pretty hard because I'm a passionate and flawed individual... But necessary.??.... heck yes.

I was so reminded in my car that God is singing over my life RIGHT now. All the junk I'm sorting thru and with every tear I shed HE is singing and dancing over Brooke. (so thankful).

So... I think its time... that I sing back.

We should start a choir.

Uncle Jim

Okay ya'll... are you ready for a bit of Brooke's Family tree?? Here we go...

My moms name is Char and her parents are Paul and Marge.

Paul and Marge have 8 kids... that was not a typo.. they have EIGHT. They are as follows...

Ron, Karen, Fred, Sharon, Deb, Gayle, Diane and Char.

My whole life I have been VERY close to my aunts and uncles but VERY VERY close to my aunts. Spent many summers at Aunt Karens picking strawberries in her garden, always enjoyed visits with Aunt Beav (Diane... we have always called her Beav... weird) and Aunt Sharon. Eaten pounds and pounds of popcorn with Auntie (gayle) and watched movies. Even with Uncle Ron I would go see him and Aunt Weezy in Florida where they lived and I have always looked forward to the times I would get to see Uncle Fred! They are all the best and I love them so so much... But there is only one that I have been compared to my ENTIRE life.. and thats Deb. Ever since I can remember I have heard things like "You sound just like DEB!" or "you are your aunt deb". Here are the things me and that lovely woman have in common... we leave things like shoes and earrings in random places then cannot find them to save our lives, we dont clean out our purses when we switch, we say what we think even when we shouldnt (ha), but we love BIG and are quick to forgive... we can be mad at you one second and over it the next. I am most like my aunt Deb and I love that. :)

My aunt deb is married to my uncle Jim. They have been married almost 20 years. Uncle Jim is sweet and kind... possibly the sweetest and most kind man you could ever meet. Would never do so much as mumble a negative word about someone. ALWAYS smiling, incredibly genuine... and insanely happy. But most of all he is CRAZY in love with my Aunt Deb. I'm talking CRAZY in love. EVer since I was a little girl and I would see them Uncle Jim would start singing and serenade Aunt Deb... I can hear him now....

Wise men say only fools rush in, but I cant help falling in love with you......

He sang that to her all the time, it was how he told her he loved her when they were dating... it was their song... and no matter where they were or what they were doing he would sing it to her, and only her.. it was so sweet.

Uncle Jim was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago and was given two years, but thru treatments and lots of prayer the Lord gave him 6. Last sunday, while at home, with Aunt Deb right next to him he peacefully left this world and went "home". From what I've heard it sounds like he knew the time was close and made sure to say his goodbyes... Saturday night before falling asleep he had one more thing to tell my aunt Deb before he went to sleep... "I just love Jesus so much"... then he went to sleep and while sleeping went to heaven. What a legacy he left.

As many of you who are reading this now I have wanted one thing more than any other thing since I was like... well... 4. Seriously. and thats to be married. I have so longed for a husband. At times its been an unhealthy obsession, ha. But as of right now I would say its just a "dream". There have been a few guys in the picture lately and although each has had its one wonderful traits I have known they werent the "one".

If there is anything I learned from Uncle Jim it was to wait. Wait for the one. Wait for my Jim. My aunt deb has told me that since I was little... I can hear her now saying "wait honey, you gotta wait precious girl, its so worth it!". And although I have always believed her, I dont think I have completely gotten it till now.

Uncle Jim was just awesome. If you have been reading my blog then you might remember me talking about going to tennessee last thanksgiving and going to the hoe-down (throwdown). Well, Uncle Jim was in the band that played there at the barn dance. He was the reason we went. And I'm so thankful for that memory of him. I cant think of a single bad thing about him and if you had known him then you wouldnt be able to either. He was such a sweet and precious man who loved my aunt Debbie more than anything.

Aunt Deb, you are loved by me. So happy we have the bond that we do and I'm proud to be a "little debbie". you are so precious to me. I will honor Jims life by waiting for a guy like him and not settling for less and by loving God with all my heart.

Save a place for my Uncle Jim.... love ya.

back to the blogging world!

Hey All. So, lately I have been missing Blogging like no other... I think I'm a seasonal blogger. It was just about a year ago that I started this blog and originally I was inspired by fall... and food.

Welp, a year has passed and I'm inspired by the same things... Whoops?

Which is why I have diagnosed myself as a seasonal blogger.... Just didnt blog much over the summer... but dont worry people... the blogging Brooke is back in action. (say that 10 times fast.)

Anyways... let me catch you up with all the big events in my life the last 6 months... ha (im being sarcastic).

ps: I'm dividing this into two blogs....

Actually there have been some big events... I moved from Omaha (home) to Overland Park, Kansas (aka: new home... aka: kansas city). I have an adorable and homey but very little one bedroom apartment. My family has visited on many occasions and its always so fun... the only thing I dont like is that we have to turn my living room into a bedroom with a blow up mattress... (an AMAZING one, by the way). The first time they visited we had mom and dad in my room, with me, brandon and brit all in the living room.... me & brit on the air mattress and brandon on the couch. It was that night that i started to imagine my "next" place... hopefully a house (obviously I'm planning on staying in this apartment for a few years)....

I imagined the spacious 3 (0r 4) bedr00m with big living room and an actual dining room that doesnt act as a dining room/music room/entry-way.... as I was dreaming away my thoughts were interrupted by a saying my mom used to always tell us when we were kids... "love grows best in little spaces". That night i decided to not complain about my adorable and homey but very little one bedroom apartment. :) and i havent ever since. :) (knock on wood)

I have been nannying for the Huntingtons almost 6 months now. (SO CRAZY). Emory is talking like crazy and so far her favorite saying is "girl please!" She also likes to show me everything.. her socks.. her shoes... her stuffed animals.... her fingernails... everything. Needless to say my days with Emory consist of these two sayings.. "Girl, please!" and "brooke Look!". She is precious! :) Hayden is becoming a little butterball and will be 1 year old in January! He is smiling and cooing and laughing and just so stinking cute! :) They fill my days with hugs, kisses, high-fives and giggles... I really and truly LOVE being a nanny!

Speaking of being a nanny... I have been struggling for the last couple years with how long I will do this. I have been nannying for over 7 years. And Ive had the most amazing families and watched the most amazing kids, but as each job ended it got harder and harder to say goodbye. Which is always hard for me because I get so attached to the family... case in point (or is it case and point? Ive never known).... I text with Jozette at least once a week. (jozette is my old boss.. ha) and I have planned two trips to see them... both of which have been cancelled... this makes me cry a little.

So all of that to say I havent been sure how many more nanny days I have in me.... Everytime I think I'm done there is another family that comes my way and I . just.cant.RESIST!

I have, however, been feeling the itch to try something new... so I'm going to HAIR SCHOOL! :) and starting on Monday... The schedule will be crazy busy but will only last a year. going to beauty school was actually what I wanted to do when I graduated highschool... but decided to attend a university instead... so glad becauase thats how i met 5 of my 6 best friends!

(Jess, Brit, Kel and Les).

I just figured that since I have moved away from mom and dad, living on my room, trying all these new things... why not do something I have always wanted to do.. ya picking up what I'm droppin??

So whether im cutting someones hair or taking kids to the park I'm confident I'll be happy doing whatever it is....... that I'm doing... (long sentence).

In other news.... sad and happy news... I said goodbye to an uncle this last week. Good ol' Jolly Uncle Jim... If you care to know all about this then read the Uncle Jim blog... I'm splitting them up! :)

Happy Fall! :)

my new Boo.

Hey all :)

big news today!!! But first....

Hope everyone is loving this fall weather as much as I am... because i am Lo-hoooving it! :)

The long sleeves, the starbucks, the candles...

ahhhhh.. simply marvelous. :)

chili in the crock pot for lunch tomorrow and pretty sure I'll be making Cinnamon apples later this week.. if anyone wants some, come on by! :)

Its Saturday night and Im sitting on my couch with candles lit drinking some coffee and relaxing after the most amazing 2 days.... wanna hear about em? I know ya do...

Let me give you a little history lesson first :)

So I have 5 best friends. These are the girls that I talk to the most and that I'm the closest to.

They are as follows... Tenisha, Jess, Kel, Brit and Les. :)

I love these girls. I have been friends with them for about 5 years (tenisha has been 9... crazy).

I met Kel, Les, Brit and Jess my freshmen year at MNU. Our friendships took off and have been such a HUGE blessing in my life. I have watched each one get engaged and 4 (almost 5) get married. I have sat in the church or on the stage as they have said their I do's. I have sang at two of their weddings :) Been to 4 bridal showers. Its been the most fun ride ever.

So, fast forward to present day and Kelli is pregnant!!! :) the first baby is about to be born! :) For months we have watched Kel's belly grow bigger and bigger with the bundle of joy inside. We have had the baby showers and gotten the gifts.. taken the "friendship picture" and prayed for Kel and her husband as they get ready for baby boy Haeffner! :) some great news is that Kel lives about 40 minutes from me now (not far AT ALL compared to the 3 hours it was when I lived in Omaha). Because I'm so close now I was dying to be at the hospital when Kel went into labor and I was SOOOOO fortunate to be able to do just that! :)

I spent the majority of yesterday at Lawrence Memorial Hospital with the Harris and Haeffner clan awaiting the arrival of that sweet baby boy! :) After a day of food runs, birthing balls, contractions, horrible contractions, drugs, jokes, baby mama movies, lots of cups of crushed ice and a whole lot of patience my best friend Kelli and her wonderful husband Zach welcome Harrison John Haeffner into the world! :) And He is gorgeous and perfect and sweet. Such a miracle. I literally couldnt hold back my emotions when I watched Kelli take Harrison into her arms for the first time and watch her as she transformed from Kelli to Mommy.

It was as if she has loved him and known him her whole life.

I spent some of today back at the hospital where all us girls got to get a "friendship picture" with Harrison! (so glad to welcome you to our group handsome boy.. you're a great addition!)

Okay okay.. your probably dying to see him huh? Here he is :

Kel,

Thanks so much for letting me be apart of such a HUGE event in your life. I'm so proud of you and already amazed at the mother you are. :) Harrison is so lucky! I Love you so much.

Harrison, I cant wait to watch you grow up. You are so loved. What a miracle you are. Such a precious little boy. Cannot wait to love on you!

cooking and ellen.

Hey guys :) So I finally bit the bullet and got internet... therefore you can be expecting more blogs!!! (for those of you that like them anyways!)

Life is really good, I'm getting used to living in Kansas and meeting new people... the first couple months were a little more difficult than I expected but I'm happy to say I love my job, I love my church, I love my apartment and I'm making some great friends :). Its all good in the hood.

In bigger and better news I start hair school in about a month. Life is about to get very busy for this slow girl. Let me just tell you something about myself.. I'm not a "go'er" I'm not one to pack my schedule full and "go go go". I'm a "sitter". I'm a reader (no, really.... I am! Thanks to Tenisha). But starting August I will be working 7am-4pm and in class from 515-915pm. As well as classes on Saturdays! Thank goodness I wont have class or work on Fridays! :) I'm dreading the schedule but super excited to learn all the ups and downs of..... beauty. Free hair cuts, highlights, waxing, manis and pedis if you let me practice on you! :)

Also, I have been cooking more.. (another thanks to Tenisha... what would i do without her?) Here are a couple of the delish dishes....

this right here is a corn basil pizza. so stinkin' good.. its making my mouth water right now!

Those babies right there are a sausage/pear/feta cheese pizza.. yep, you heard me right.

And a corn/basil pizza.

DELCIOUS. So stinking good. I made them for my family the last time I was in town and I think they dug it. I for sure did. I'll make them again soon... probably next week. thanks nish.

There's one more thing.

So. today. when the children were sleeping, the dishes were done and the beds were made I settled onto the couch with ipad in hand and started browsing facebook... it was about 245..

My thoughts were as follows..

"ugh, 15 minutes to kill...."

I assume you know what I was talking about.. Ellen.

Gosh, I love her. Brightens my day.

So.. while i waited the eternity of 15 minutes to get up off 'da couch and dance (pretending that i'm in the audience) with ma girl Ellen, I decided to youtube her funniest moments...

I came across her "bathroom concerts" the one with Jennifer Hudson is HILARIOUS. check it out.. it will make you laugh, I dont care who you are.

She is still my number one on the good ol' bucket list.

** have you guys emailed her yet telling her how badly she needs to meet me because she would want to be my friend? *** no? well... do it. :) (seriously).

Now I shall go take a long shower and get into my comfy bed and sleep a solid 8. later gators. :)

25

I am 25.

did you know that 25 is the smallest square that can be written as a sum of 2 squares?

well... now you do :)

A few weeks back I read in a magazine (i will not confirm nor deny if it was Cosmo) that people are now going thru their mid-life crisis at 50.

40 is now fabulous. 50... is old.

Therefore people have started to go thru something called a quarter life crisis...

Quarter life crisis:

The psychological strain that is encountered on one's 25th birthday. Subject often realizes that he/she has lived a quarter century and still hasn't done anything consequential.

Im not going to lie to you guys.. because I would never do that.

25 has been a hard one to swallow and I'll tell you why..

There is this thing that lingers in the back on my mind... actually its closer to the front.

It taunts me. Causing much anxiety. It yells. it whispers. and jumps up out of no where. sometimes I'll just be going about my business having a perfectly wonderful time when all of the sudden it bears its ugly face and completely changes my mood.

I know what some of you are probably saying "oh brooke.. brookey-poo, brookster, brookey baby... you're so.... DRAMATIC.

But this aint drama people, this is real stuff. save the drama for your mama...

speaking of "mama".. I am still not one...

There it is again.. that "thing" that is always on my mind... allow me to share it with you... a little thing I like to call the

"time-line"

The time-line is the amount of time we have on this earth and the things we want to do in the time..... line.

My list is as follows.

** win American Idol.

** Be on Broadway.

** Attend the Ellen Degenerous show.

** Meet and possibly become her best friend. (im just saying if it happened that would be cool)

** Meet a striking, beautiful, sweet and confident man who will woo, adore and sweep me away with his charisma, swagga and style.

** have a beautiful, "knot" worthy wedding.

** Make beautiful babies and be a mom.

** Adopt some asians.

** Live in a cute old house with much charactor.

** ... win a million dollars

Okay.. so lets just say I decide to "dwindle" the list down a bit and take a few things off....

american idol gets the ax (its just not the same with Simon anyways)

Broadway gets the boot.

But you bet your bottom Dollar I'm keeping Ellen.

Okay.. so I'll trade the "knot" worthy wedding and settle for my living room and/or vegas.

But i'm not budging on the asian thing.

And a million dollars... eh. I can do without...

so basically that leaves getting married and having babies...

Alright..

so lets say I get married at 27.. and then start having kids by 29.... lets say I have three kiddos.... 2 years apart. so im roughly 35 when I stop having kids... then I want to adopt which takes about 2 years... so, i'll just adopt one then....so im around 37 when I have all my kids in my nest..... so... I'll be 40.. looking at the last 10 years and realzing that all I did was handle toddlers and poop. But at least I'll be fabulous.

I realize that this sounds dramatic, crazy even. and dare I say it... desperate?!

But for the last year I have written my heart down on a blog and shared with ya'll my thoughts, loves, fears.. the pretty and ugly.

so I gotta be real.

And to be "real" honest. that darn time-line... ugh.

I do realize that this isnt entirely true for everyone.. I mean.. heck, Khloe Kardashian got married in nine days.

And getting married isnt the most important thing... dont get me wrong... but.. it is on the list.

Maybe I should cast my energy on getting to Ellen. Maybe she'll read this and invite me to her show and she can council me thru this dilemma.. maybe....

(feel free to email her and tell her I need to meet her... FEEL free!)

On the brighter side I had a wonderful birthday with constant texts, voicemails, phone calls, gifts, cards, packages in the mail and a cake from my favorite 22 year old guy (my brother). and over 150 facebook posts.

ya'll made me realize that the biggest thing in life is something I already possess... love! :)

Thanks for loving this old fart! :)

for the books.

What goes up most come down... right?

So.. does this also mean that when everything in your life is going so amazingly-wonderfully-perfectly well that the only direction things can go from there is... down?

Well, from my own personal experience in the past week I have gathered my own answer to this question. And my answer is a RESOUNDING "yup!"

People, its been a week for the books. I'm not kidding.

I am happy to tell ya'll that at this point I am sitting at my parents home (aka: home sweet home) in the beautiful Bellevue Nebraska (theres no place like it). I am sitting in the living room on the floor as I blog (something I dont do enough of these days) and I am giggling to myself as I look back on the past 7 days. all of that to say that I am not upset anymore about my horrible luck that has occured but instead I find it nothing short of amusing. Allow me to share.

(ps: this may be a long blog so feel free to take a second to get yourself a refreshment and make yourself comfy)

It all started Friday night when my cousin Doug brought his son (and my 2nd cousin) Noah over to my apartment. I had spent about a week with my sister and we had come up with an idea to get a feather extension in our hair together when I came home this weekend, which we were really excited about. Brad and Brit were in town for camp and had decided to stay an extra night with me before heading home Saturday. Noah came over and I made dinner and pie while we waited for Brandon to join us a little later on. When Doug dropped Noah off he shared with me that Grace (my new church yo)'s vbs was this week and they needed a preschool teacher, I told him I would be thrilled! So, monday- wednesday I would be at Grace teaching the preschool class from 6-9. Monday night came and I drove to Spring Hill and enjoyed a wonderful night with the kiddos (so stinkin cute) then came home around 10 o clock only to come face to face with my FIRST weekly dilemma ---- no parking.

This is a problem I run into most nights when I get home late. The parking at my apartment complex sucks and lets just say my car was parked in an area that it wasnt allowed. And thats all I want to say about that. I went inside, showered and laid down in my bed, had a great nights sleep and then at 5:45 when my alarm went off I rolled out of bed (must have been on the wrong side) and got ready for my day of "Emory and Hayden". At 6:45 I walked out of my apartment and headed towards my car only to find an empty spot where my "lucy" was left.

yup. my car was gone.

Can I just take a moment to say there is not a worse feeling then your car being gone and having no idea where it is. I called Shauna (aka: boss... aka: life saver) and she came and got me... to make a long story short. I got towed. By a place called Pro-Tow (I HATE YOU). and it cost me a whopping 240 dollars to get my 1997 rusty and dented Chevy Cavalier back. Ugh. At this point the only thing I was looking forward to was my "feather" I would get over the weekend.

TUESDAY NIGHT

Even with this happening I still made it to VBS on Tuesday (be impressed). Came home tuesday night and parked in a LEGIT parking spot. Went inside, showered and laid down...

"ahhhh, the worst day is over.. I made it... took care of everything without crying and without the help of mommy and daddy.... ahhhhhhhh" Then I fell asleep and the worst day ever was over...... until it carried over into wednesday.

WEDNESDAY MORNING (SOOOO EARLY)

At 12:45 I woke up and had this EXTREME tightness and weighty-ness (its a word) on my chest. Couldnt breathe, tried stretching.. didnt work... finally I decided to take a walk... (yup, at 12:45) I walked from room to room in my apartment humming to myself trying to get myself to calm down with the thought of being home in a few days with an adorable feather in my hair. ha.

the shortness of breath only lasted 3 minutes and then it felt better so I laid back down and tried to sleep... as soon as I laid down it started AGAIN... this went on for an hour. I slept HORRIBLE. 5:45 am came again and I got ready for my day and was happy to find Lucy where I had left her.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT:

During Vbs (which was so fun) we have games outside, I was sitting in the lawn with some teens and playing with the kiddos when I felt something bite my hip! nothing other than a TICK. gross and ouch. Got it removed but couldnt help but think the universe might just be rallying against me at this point... (something I'm dramatic) (feather... feather... feather...)

THURSDAY:

I had planned on going home on this day to see the Dean Family for Davids graduation and see my parents! And because of all the flooding I knew that it would take 4-5 hours to get home vs the usual 3... (i dont look at the flooding as a bad part of my week since there are people loosing their homes to the flood where as I just had to sit in my car for an extra 2 hours). I got off work early in hopes that I would make it to Omaha with plenty of time to see DAvid and Jozette before they had to leave for DAvids graduation. Got in my car and headed to st joseph missouri! I had gas in my car... not a lot... and by "not a lot" what I really mean is "not enough". yup. Im a good 4 miles from St joe when I RUN OUT OF GAS.

my thoughts were as follows:

"are you kidding me?!?!?! (insert whining/grunting noise) Okay, think... there is no one to call.. you cant tell mom and dad they will only worry and theres nothing they can do..... what are you going to do brooke?!! Walk 4 miles to a gas station? ugh, that'll take too much time... what else.... hmmmm.... NO, too dangerous!"

AT this point I had the good angel and bad angel on my shoulders. Lets call the good angel Chloe and my inner rebellion Max... this was the conversation..

Chloe: Brook, dont even think about it! Its so dangerous!

Max: You'll be fine Brooke, you have always wanted to do it... just do it.

Chloe: Its foolish

Max: Its thrilling.

Chloe: There are crazy people out there

Max: Nothing bad will happen

Chloe: Call your parents

Max: This is the best option.

Chloe: dont do it.

Max: Just start walking and whats the big deal if you stick your thumb out.

Crap.. Max won. I hitch-hiked (i know, dont hate me)

I got out of Lucy and stood by the hood of my car and stuck my thumb out waiting for something to help me. Let me tell you this much... I had barely put my thumb out when a man pulled over in a truck and offered to help. I asked for a ride up the road to a gas station and he was so nice to help me out (thank you Gary).

I'll spare you the part where he had to move his gun off the front seat for me to sit down, or his issues with his 18 year old daughter that he said I reminded him of... I'll just keep those details out and tell you that he helped me and I got gas in my car and made it to Omaha SAFE and SOUND!

Driving down the highway in the beautiful weather with my windows down and looking out at the beautiful feilds with the summer air fresh in my lungs I couldnt help but think "ahhh, this week was so horrible but now its over and I'm almost home.... ahhh, home. And tomorrow I'm going with my sister to get a feather extension (soooo ca-ute)... this weekend is here...." my thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing with a text from my mom:

"HEy sis, the hair place just called... they are out of feathers"

i need thee.

I have been living in Overland Park for almost a month now.

so.unreal.

Here are a few things I have learned...

1) I NEVER drink milk. I have already thrown out almost a whole 1/2 gallon.

(haha... that sounded funny in my head)

2) I LOOOVE decorating. I cant wait till every room looks (as patty Jareo put it, "Brookified")

3) Emory and Hayden attach to new people VERY well, for this I'm so glad... I am greeted by a smiling and laughing little Emory every morning... this is so great.

4) I can make a MEAN quiche!

5) If I make two quiches, they will last me a week as far as dinners go... this is AFTER my brother has had a few slices of his own.

6) there are very little things better than living 10 minutes away from my best friend.

7) I dont require a lot of food... and surprisingly.. I'm a fan on Ramen noodles.

8) fish are good company.

9) I am quite brave when it comes to being alone.

10) I NEVER use my air conditioner (did you hear that nish?!) first utility bill: $10.25. holla!

11) cable was a good investment for me.

AND LAST but not LEAST....

12) there is no place like home. No place like Heritage Hill. No.stinking.place.

So far sundays have been the hardest days as far as getting a little sad and homesick. Dont get me wrong, Olathe has AMAZING churches and I'm looking f

orward to finding a new church home! However... There is not a Pastor Dave there who sits in the front row, whom I have grown sooo accustomed to his "mmhmmms" and "yes, thats right" in response to the pastor. There is not a Pastor Ray who not only brings the gospel to you in a whole new way but does it while making you giggle and look at a story in a whole new way.

There is not a Matt and Marche sitting to my left making faces at me and dancing in a goofy way during worship. There is not a precious Michelle sitting next to me belting out every worship song. My mom cant sit by me. There is no Cheri to walk up and ask me "hows it goin!?!"

I didnt go to church yesterday.... I know... shame on me. I promise I'll find a church. I promise Mom :)

Its. just.kinda.hard.

So many things I miss. I think what I miss most of all is that there is not an adorable and nearly perfect little Korean boy running up to me after service to ask for gum or candy.... gosh I miss that perfect, sweet, hysterical little boy.

Anyways... back to yesterday... I didnt go to church but I did wake up and do my morning devotions (something that has quickly become the "norm" of my morning routine... followed by an egg and cheese tortilla... not kidding, I do this and eat this almost e

very morning). So as the afternoon rolled on and passed by I found myself plopped on my couch catching up with all the things I had dvr'd thru the week. When all the sudden I was overwhelmed with missing home. Missing church. I knew that my family was probably just finished sunday dinner, no doubt had laughed and chatted thru the meal. And here I was, on my couch... catching up on the housewives of orange county and instead of a delish meal with the family I was staring at this:

not complaining, it was good :) ha.

Can I also just say that I have been fine and LOVED living here. I have friends here and I'm busy and I dont eat like this everyday! :) Sundays are just a hard day... which I think if I average one hard day a week for awhile during this whole transition then I'm doing pretty darn good. :)

anyways... here I am. with my bowl o' noodles and my favorite green blanket when I just start to cry. ha. dont cha looove being a girl?!?

i got off the couch. turned off my tv and walked over to my piano. And guess what?! The Lord showed up. My buddy. My friend. My room mate. My comforter. I started to sing songs like...

"I know you are for me, I know you will never forsake me in my weakness."

"You're not alone, for I am here, Let me wipe away your every tear. My love, I've never left your side and I have seen you thru the darkest night and I'm the one whose loved you all your life."

"You dance over me while I am unaware."

So stinking good to be comforted by the ultimate comforter. There is no one better. Although a conversation with mom is so satisfying it is so small in comparison to the peace the Father offers in times of change, fear, anxiety or even, dare I say it... loneliness. I woke up and did devos this morning, had my breakfast and made it to work. Checked my email and found a message from my best friend Brit and in it she put the hymn "i need thee".

Let me leave you with these PRECIOUS words. I hope they encourage you as much as they did me!

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

Oh, bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

Oh, Bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.

all my women, who independent...

Hey all.. its been too long.I have missed you just as much as you've missed me! :)

So sorry its been so long.

It.will.never.happen.again. :)

I am currently sitting in Olathe/Overland Park Kansas.

(I am still uncertain where Olathe ends and Overland Park begins).

I am at starbucks and its a tad chilly out.

I'm drinking green tea.. (delish).

I have come to Starbucks for their free wi-fi.

I wonder how many people think I am working on homework.... anyways!

Its been a very busy few weeks.... let me re-cap rathe quickly!

On April 30th I moved from beloved Omaha NE to my new home - Overland Park Kansas!

I am posting pictures on facebook of my new place but allow me to show you my favorite room:

I promise its more "roomy" than it appears here. this is my walk-in closet. its beautiful.

love love love.

Back to April 30th. I got all moved in with the help of the following:

mom.dad.brit.brandon.harrison.jess.brian.aunt gayle. uncle steve.

Thanks people :)

My parents stayed with me Friday night and we got ALL unpacked.

You heard me.

when I laid my head down Friday night there was not a SINGLE box in my apartment.

un-freaking-believable.

Saturday morning we woke up, had coffee and made some eggs and then mom and I hung stuff on the walls.

A little lunch at Chick-filet....

(i have only eaten there twice so far... my jeans are thankful)

And then my parents left :)

I went grocery shopping and then had some friends over for dinner and a movie!

Sunday was church and then I had another friend over!

Work started on Monday and it has been so amazing. I'm so thankful :)

Little Emory and Hayden are so precious and have adjusted SO well!

I have a new nickname... "boo".

Who would've thought that "brooke" is so hard for little kiddos to say!?

the week flew by between work all day and play all night then the weekend was here again!

My best friend Jess graduated with her masters degree in counseling on Saturday so Saturday morning I met her family and our other bestie, Kel, at the church and watched her graduate!

(soooo proud).

then Lunch with her whole fam-damily :)

by the time I got home from that my parents were back in town and at my place!

Brandon graduated on Sunday from MidAmerica with a Biology degree!

So weird ... and awesome.

Saturday was also Brad's birthday so we all went to Baccaluerette (i'll never remember how to spell that word) and then over to Aunties house to grill out and have cake! :)

Sunday was church, lunch and graduation followed by quick dinner and graduation party.

whew. Im tired just from typing all of that!

it was so fun to be with all the family. they are the best. :) heres one of my favorite pics from the weekend!

SO fun and sweet! :)

So, that was week numero uno. :)

Week two wasnt nearly as eventful :)

Just working by day and hanging out by night :)

I have been able to spend time with some people I have REALLY missed though :)

such as: jess and Brian! :) and nicky-poo just to name a few! :)

More blogs to come, sorry this was just a catching up blog! There will be much more fun ones to come! :) promise!

On a final note : i have had a boy staying with me all week in my apartment.

Chill-ax people... he is a fish.

and we have grown quite fond of one another.

He belongs to my good friend Harrison.

I love HArrison.

Harrison is a very nice and funny boy who often says inappropriate things.. and i like that.

He has a fish that he has owned for 2 years. (I have learned that this is an eternity when it comes to the beta).

Harrison left me in charge of Tesla the fish for the week.

I have so enjoyed the company and its made me consider getting a pet of my own. (a fish. I could never own a dog by myself).

here is Tesla after our morning devotions this morning....

that's all for now folks :) lata.

its the final countdown!

hey all :)

The count down is coming to a close!

We are looking at 2 days and 3 nights before I'm laying my head down to sleep in Olathe Kansas.

Soooo weird to think a week from today I'll have finished my first day of work with little Emery and Hayden!

Ah! Im excited!!!

Easter weekend was so much fun! I love having all of my family together :)

Here we are :)

So fun to have everyone together :)

And to think that in two weeks brandon graduates from MNU.. SO CRAZY!

Its going to be fun having my parents come stay with me and in my new place... and spend time with even more family :)

Ugh... family.. I cant get enough of this! :)

Other than celebrating the wonderful Easter season I havent had much to do. Most of my packing is completed :). Aaaaaaand as of about 2 hours ago my LAST project was completed!

I'm starting to get so excited about getting moved in, painting, organizing... :) ugh. so stinking fun!

Okay.. so I want to tell ya'll about my latest project....

I had a vision of what I wanted my living room to look like and it involved one of these:

However.. this cost at LEAST 75 dollars. And by now you all know me... NOT a money spender. Especially when I think I can make it. ha.

So.. this is what I had to work with:

this is the coffee table that came with the end tables and sofa table that an old family friend gave to me. here is the beginning on the priming/painting process :)... and here is the end result... little wooden board, some padding, fabric, stable gun. thread and some buttons and voila!

I looo-hooove the way it turned out, but I'm already contemplating changing the fabric to something brighter and more fun! I guess we will just see once I get moved in and settled, then I can change whatever I want :)

I see a lot of "projects" in my future :) so fun!

so.. grand total for this beauty:

wooden board : $10.

Fabric: $2.00 (clearance at Walmart)

buttons, thread and tufting needle: $8

padding: $6.00

GRAND TOTAL: $26.00!!!

not to shabby! :)

Last day with one of my nanny families today.. bittersweet.. reality is hitting me that I'm leaving omaha and headed to a new life... (luckily ONLY 3 hours away!)

Tomorrow is work with the Deans then church... final packing tomorrow night.

Thursday is work and then packing the trailer Thursday night then Friday morning I hit the ROAD!!!

Heaven help me!

buh-lessed.

BLESSED PEOPLE.... thats what I am.

I gotta say that as I sit on my couch in the basement of my parents house, with my cute gray sweater/dress on and my beloved jesus sandals that I have been dying to wear for about a year now (seeing as how I bought them RIGHT as it started to get cold last year.. go ahead and adore....), watching Valentines Day, I cant help but think I am one word: blessed.

I'm surrounded by boxes of all the things I've accumulated over the last 4 years for my soon to be apartment, realizing that there is very little I "need" to make myself a home... this equals blessed.

I have an apartment waiting for me to move into: blessed.

I have an adorable little girl and boy waiting for me to move to Olathe so I can spend my days playing and reading and taking walks and going to the park: blessed.

I have best friend(s) that know me better than I know myself. (Jess, Kel, Les, Br

it and Nish): blessed.

I have wonderful people in my life: blessed.

AND.... I got to welcome the most precious little girl into the state of Nebraska last thursday.

uuugh: buh-lessed!

Let me explain: There is a man in my life named Josh.

Josh is wonderful. hilarious. sweet. kind. witty. smart. the love of my life. he is my little man. So stinking adorable. He calls me auntie B. I have a very special relationship with this little guy. His parents are like family to me. I adore them. On Thursday they added another to the family :) Sweet, precious, little Jazmine. and I got to be at the airport as scott and Kim came off of the plane to be reunited with Josh and F

INALLY have the whole family together. Let me take a second to introduce to ya'll... Jazzy Girl.

I LOOOVED being able to be the selected person to be there to photograph Jazzy girls homecoming :) And to finally see this beautiful family of 4 reunited :)

I was also at the airport when Josh came home and it was an experience I'll never forget.

Jaz was at church today and what a precious little girl she is. I cant wait to love on her and spoil her rotten... it will be a little harder than it was with Josh since I'm living three hours away... but I see many visits, gifts and loving going on between me and Jaz in the years to come :)

Lots of change coming my way... life is a' happenin' quickly...

but today I gotta say...

I'm feelin blessed :)

MY NEW LOVE!

I am so excited about what I'm about to talk about.

this is stinkin' wonderful!

allow me to give you a quick-back-story before revealing...

So, I have this incredible desire to be thrifty and crafty.

I want to be able to create and makes things that are not only appealing to the eye.. but easy on the wallet... you picking up what I'm dropping?

So.... with the "project" of my own apartment in mind,

I have been digging deep within to scrape up every thrifty/crafty/creative muscle I have.

(did that sentence make sense?)

Anyways...

I would love to know how to sew..

however.

I have no sewing machine.

and they ain't cheap.

Well, since my whole goal is to not spend money then it doesnt make a lot of sense to go and buy a sewing machine... (this is my logic at least)

Therefore I went to the internet...

my favorite place : yahoo anwers.

I would like to encourage everyone to check it out...

I promise you... if you have a question, they have answered it.

(whether or not they have answered it correctly is debatable, but I promise you'll be entertained).

Sooooo... back to my thrifty/crafty/creative-y-ness.

I want to put new pillows on my couch.

It is currently outdated and needs a "pick-me-up"

HOWEVER... did you know that to buy a good-size pillow ranges from $25-40 dollars?!!

ya kidding me?

Well.. I didnt want to spend that much..

therefore, decided that I would make my own pillow covers...

but with no sewing machine this would be difficult..

thats when I discovered it...

hemming-tape.

(insert angel music)

amazing.

allow me to show you what I created...

before and after:

In case you cant tell... they are a grayish color.

I have to cover some others in green.

then voila... they will be done and the couch will be rejuvinated!

ps: please disregard how I'm looking in this pictures, i spent all day in bed coughing up my lungs and blowing my nose....

darn you allergies...

darn.you.