Scraps.

womens. retreat.

woman: an adult female person

retreat: a place affording peace and quiet.

This weekend I had the priviledge of attending a ..... yep, you guessed it :

Womens Retreat.

Nebraska District Womens Retreat actually :)

Can I just tell you that this sister didnt even realize how much she needed some time away.

Which is probably obvious with my last (eh, 6 blogs?!) full of mumbo-jumbled random ramblings.

My brain has been scattered, fo real.

Its been about 3 years or so that I get to go away with my mom (and sometimes sister, but not this year... missed you blit), and meet up with some friends and aunts and just.hang.out.

This year I was asked to lead worship (for the second year).

I havent really led worship much since the well.

I didnt even realize how much I LOVE it.

I was able to hang out with some friends and hot-tub it up :) *so stinkin' wonderful*

I was able to spend time with my mom and aunt k *whom I just cant get enough of in my life*

And hear from an AMAZING speaker (and my new friend, cindy!)

Here is my mama, me and Cindy :)

The messages were EXACTLY what i needed to hear

(dont you looo-hooove it when that happens?)

she spoke on the "scraps" of our lives.

how every scrap is being used to form a beautiful quilt and how God uses every inch, every scrap...

every. single. piece.

ahhhhh.

Can i just tell you how much that, in and of itself, fills my cup?!

ya know what I'm sayin?

Every. single. piece.

really, Lord?

You are going to use.... EVERYTHING?

and somehow make it... beautiful?

hmmmm.

really?

What about those bad mistakes I have made?

God: im using it.

What about all the endless times I fall so short?

God: usin.it.

What about... that one thing?

God: used.

ya know what else im realizing?

That Satan knows my buttons.

ugh... annoying.

Can i just be real with ya'll? *or whom-ever reads this* ha.

sometimes I think the Lord cant use me because I didnt finish college.

whhheww.. there, i said it.

and sometimes I think that I'll never get married or have kids.

*which kinda sorta makes me think "what have I been doing nannying?"

I didnt finish school.

I came home and started working.

and since then I have been working average jobs with average pay.

(which i happen to COMPLETELY LOVE by the way)

This often leaves me feeling........ average.

Can you even begin to realize how it felt for me to hear that God still wants to use me?!

UN-BELIEVABLE.

You want to use me?

You want to use all that I have done and still turn it into something Beautiful?

thats some crazy good stuff.

I just want to pass the message along.

God wants to use you.

He wants to take your questions and your concerns...

the things that make you anxious...

your "baggage"...

and He longs for you to give them to Him.

To. Be. His.

and then he'll use your journey (every.single.part)

and turn it into something beautiful.

... you make beautiful things.... you make beautiful things out of the dust....

Heres a little somethin' somethin' to listen to if ya want. its good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyPBtExE4W0

One less Lonely Girl

Happy valentines DAY! :)

can I just honest with ya'll for a hot second?

This sister aint a fan of valentines day.

Never really have been.

I have a valentines day curse.

*this year I literally tore my pinky nail down the middle*

Whether or not I have a valentine SOMETHING happens that messes up plans or something.

Well, I can tell you that this year I had a valentine... and a pretty good one.

My friend Austen asked to take me out for Valentines day.

(in hopes that he would give me a good one for a change.)

So Saturday night I had a sweet little pre-valentines day date :)

complete with Dinner, Good conversation, the most adorable waiter I've ever seen, AMAZING orange shrimp and some off the hook strawberry cheesecake...

(from no better place than the cheesecake factory)

A good night.

I finished my weekend by going to see the Justin Bieber movie with my mom and sister.

I have a confession to make : I want to be one less lonely girl.

That kid is so stinking good.

Im a fan.

I'm not ashamed.

I think he is adorable.

So, it was a good weekend.

but yesterday I was soooo stinkin' emotional.

Sister needed some help, let me tell ya.

There is a lot of changing going on for me in the next couple months.

Decisions about jobs, moving... everything.

and its weighing pretty heavy on my heart.

Let me just tell ya that I dont find anything wrong with crying. I think its good

(especially for a girl) to get a good cry out every now and then.

But i also think everything needs some moderation.

and yesterday I had none.

I think I cried for... eh.... probably 6 hours.

im. not. kidding.

conflicted. torn. sad. doubtful. scared. lonely. sad. frustrated. unsure. SAD.

I know Change is not something I can... CHANGE. (get it?)

its going to happen as long as I'm breathing.

I know I have to just accept it.

But i'm SOOOO not a fan of things changing.

I'm also not a fan of making decisions.

I can.not do it.

case in point: I hate making decisions so much that dinner menus give me anxiety.

yeah, its crazy people.

Yet, here I am.

Facing too things: Change and Decisions.

Are ya'll praying for me yet?

So.. what do i do with these feelings?

(seriously, I'm asking)

I have no idea.

breathe Brooke.

it's all going to work out.

breathe.

(siiiiigh).

There is a solution to all of this ya know...

I get on minute to win it and win 1 million dollars + a beautiful 25 year old man asked me to be his one less lonely girl.

I mean, this is totally possible, right?

:)

my most favorite place

rewind back to '09.

rough year.

I had experienced some low lows in 2009.

It was Christmas time.

I think I asked for a dooney and bourke purse.

(got it).

I was in a year of transition. lots of changes.

and as ya'll know by now... i dont like change all that much.

But change was a happenin to me.

I was living with Scott and Kim and Josh had JUST come home.

(that was so wonderful).

so anyways...

I wasnt working at the time and so my days were full of tenisha, josh and brooke time. :)

Tenisha time = so much fun.

Josh time = wonderful

Brooke time = piano time.

I found myself spending a lot of time in the word and searching for.... anything.

answers?? maybe.

direction?? eh, kinda.

peace?? totally.

I would drive across the street and go to my church.

I would walk in and go straight to the sanctuary.

Not turn on any lights except maybe one stage light so I could see something.

sit at the piano.

and literally UNLOAD.

play, sing, cry. make phone calls. (not kidding).

It kinda became my "spot" if you will.

serenity met me there.

it was heaven.

Now the hard part is that the church is only available for random piano usage at certain times.

I couldnt walk right in on any given day....

so my time there was limited... but well worth it.

.... but limited.

So... back to Christmas.

...Opening gifts with the family and I am opening my last gift and my dad tells me its on his cell phone.

He then shows me a picture.

of a.....

drum roll please?

piano.

"my" piano.

blue and white stand up piano.

with my favorite bible verse written across the front.

Psalm 147: 1-3

Hallelujah! Its a good thing to sing praise to our God;

praise is beautiful, praise is fitting.

God's the one who rebuilds Jerusalem, who regathers Israel's scattered exiles.

He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.

He counts the stars and assigns each a name.

Our Lord is great, with limitless strength;

we'll never comprehend what He knows and does.

God puts the fallen on their feet again and pushes the wicked into the ditch.

*that is some goooood stuff right there.. i dont care who you are*

(I'll leave a few moments for ya'll to "awwwwwww")

My parents got me a piano and since then it has been sitting at the Sprat-house in their basement.

UNTIL RECENTLY (this christmas) when my dad moved it into my room.

can i just tell you that its simply heavenly having a piano in my room.

in the basement. in my space. where I can play WHENEVER i want.

last week I played at 2 am. and no one heard.

it. was. marvelous.

I have been playing like crazy lately.

Not playing anything fancy, not writing anything.

Just playing and singing. and worshipping.

and listening and listening. and... listening.

i've been hearing some good stuff people. :)

So... best gift I have ever received.. by far :)

it keeps giving. :)

ugh.. i have a WONDERFUL mom&dad.

So... this is my favorite place.

just in case ya'll were wonderin. :)

ch-ch-ch-changes.

Change - to undergo transformation or transition.

This is happening to me. now.

I hate change.

I have never liked it.

Not when I was 5.

Not when I was 18.

Not when I was 21.

not. now.

ps: did you know that there is a youtube video on how to dance at a club??!!

wow.

yes, i watched it - amazing.

i want to learn how to "walk it out"... only for real.

anyways..

Been trying to figure out what step to take next in my life...

Have a feeling the next step is a big one and well define a lot of things for me.

Decisions are being made people... im just saying.

I've decided to just go with it.

whatever it is.

praying a lot.

ALOT.

Life is so much more fun when you just let it happen.

Speaking of change.

I did a little change.

Not HUGE... but sooo stinkin' fun.

check it out.

Now I just need a tan. and a new swim suit.

And a pool.

and ahhh, summer.

I know that I was so excited for Fall and dont get me wrong it was great :)

I drank coffee, wore scarfs and boots (super cute boots).

Snuggled, watched dancing with the stars (ugh, corey should have won).

Spent time with Family... everything I wanted to do, i did.

But now its cold... and I'm over it.

I want summer.

Dear Summer,

I promise to not complain about your humidity but embrace every second.

I'm tired of going to work before the sun. I want to go on walks/runs and wear dresses and flip flops. Please hurry.. preferribly in the next few weeks.

Thank you.

restless.

steal my heart. hold me close. let me hear a still small voice. let it grow. let it rise. into a shout. into a cry.

So, I cant sleep.

This is a re-occurring event.

I was going through some worship songs tonight when I came across this song.

A woman in my church talked to me on Sunday about this song in particular.

and I literally just happened to come upon it tonight.

it broke me.

its called restless.

how fitting for a girl that cant sleep at night, eh?

This song talks about how I will forever be restless until I rest in Him.

Man, I fail there. everyday.

I so often think I can handle everything.

I want things in my control.

I want to make excuses...

where does this leave Brooke?

restless.

I so desire to rest in HIM daily.

Rest in his truths, in his songs.

I so long to fill up the spaces with my worship.

I need to remember that HE is the keeper of my heart.

until I rest in HIM i will forever be restless.

What an opportunity to hear HIM.

What a chance I have right now, as I toss and turn, to hear HIM whisper to me.

I get so distracted by.... myself.

its "breaking" to know of all the opportunities to hear from HIM that i have missed just...

because.

Lord, I dont want to miss another "talk".

Without you I am hopeless.

Tell me who you are...

:)

INSOMNIA!

UGH.

So today I was especially tired.

I started work at 6:30 am.

Long day of work, let.me.tell.you.

Got home around 6 ish and had dinner with the family.

Watched biggest loser (CANNOT believe don and dan gained 9 pounds each... ridic)

worked out, showered... then at 9:15 I was ready for bed.

Laid down at 9:30 so proud of myself :)

Got warm and cozy in bed and slowly started to count all the glorious hours of sleep I would get tonight.... 7...... 8..... 9!

NINE HOURS!

ahhhh. heavenly.

I spent about 10 minutes laying in bed thinking about 9 full hours of sleep. :)

then I started to think about the biggest loser...

(tonights episode really was a shocker.)

then I started to think about working out and how i should do this more...

this made me think of my days and how i can fit working out into everyday.

This made me think of tomorrow.

which made me think of work.

I thought of taking Grace to school tomorrow and how cold its going to be...

then I remembered that tomorrow is Wednesday and I have to lead childrens church.

Then I thought of the lesson that I havent even looked over...

"great", I thought to myself... " now I'm going to have to take addie and paige all the way to meet my dad to get the lesson for tomorrow."

This made me think of childrens church on Sunday morning...

"ugh, I have to get some more teams together"...

Which made me think of the teams I already have...

Then I thought of Jamie and Sue (they are a team)

then I thought of gold coast... my old "church"...

and the well... man, I miss that place.

Then Brian and Tracy...

"I still need to go see their house"

Which made me think of moving...

"ugh... the deans are moving".

this made me sad.

I thought about this for a few minutes.

then I thought of the lost hour.

ugh... now I only have 8.

"what will I wear tomorrow?"

i tried on some clothes.

they looked surprisingly good.

I laid them out to wear tomorrow.

Then I laid back down...

got on facebook...

this ended up taking up 45 minutes of my time..

crap... 7 hours.

okay, relax.

........................................

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep....

(not working)

Ugh, I miss Tenisha.

I need to plan a trip.

Drive?

I need a road trip buddy.

hmmmmmm.

I need a better car.

hmmm again.

"ok, Brooke.... sleep!"

6 hours.

then Jonathan was online..

We chatted.

Made me miss Jill.

Okay, movie?

Watching State Fair.

(is there a better movie?)

I cant believe Austen doesnt like it.

dumb.

I mean, he's not dumb... but how can you not like a classic?

Like white christmas?

"gosh I love that movie"

ugh, I already miss Christmas.

Im so glad I got TOMS for christmas.

Is this ridiculous or what?!

I really may have insomnia.

It is now 12:50.

and I havent slept a wink.

pray for me people, this sister needs help.

ahhhh, saturday :)

Its Saturday and I woke up at 12:00.

(whoops?)

Spent my morning (errrr, afternoon) in my bed doing the following.

... drinking apple juice.

... tapping my toes

&

watching bloopers from friends on youtube.

I can assure you it was not as lame as it may sound!

then I showered and spent an hour putting makeup on.

yoooop. a whole hour.

Then experimented with headbands :)

now its time to head to the church and get stuff ready for childrens church...

can i just say something?

I LOVE the kids of Heritage Hill.

they are really wonderful.

and I have thoroughly enjoyed spending the last 9 weeks with them on Sunday mornings...

HOWEVER.

I miss church.

I miss hearing a sermon.

I miss playing piano for the worship band.

Im just kinda missing it.

Wanna know something about me?

Im a horrible delegator. (spelling?)

I have recently been appointed Childrens Director at church and this means one thing.

I have to delegate.

I cant do it.

I just..... cant.

ugh.

But I have had some help (and by "some" I mean a TON)

And I now have childrens church teams set up through out AUGUST!

(sigh of relief)

Which means that in three weeks guess what?!?!?!

i get to go to church.

and play piano

(if Michael will still have me)

and sit, and listen and learn :)

ahhhh, i cant wait.

The Lord has been so present and wonderful and teaching me so much about Leading and Teaching and being a vessel....

However, my well has gotten a LITTLE dry...

Im ready for some church.. you know what im saying?

NOT that childrens church isnt church ...

it is and it has been church to me :)

but... ugh. does this make sense?

sometimes I dont make sense.

Anyways..

the rest of my Saturday will include listening to my little sister play piano in my room.

ps:I have a piano in MY ROOM!!! this is amazing.

and she sounds beautiful!

Skyping with Jess (this is one of my favorite things)

Shopping with my sister

and possibly a movie with my favorite girls (Tangled). dont hate.

I love Saturdays. :)

and tomorrow.... Olathe... my best friend and a special someone! :)

good weekend all!