the waiting game.

 waiting.

gross.

patience. 

ew.

    I remember being a teenager and going to church camp.  Oh, church camp.... the place where you recommit your life to Jesus all while searching eagerly for your future spouse.   I loved church camp (ha).   I remember a time in my youth where I felt as if every leader, mentor or pastor would talk about one thing... patience.  The fruit of the spirit.... a true virtue.

wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength.

      I remember praying for patience.... yea... you heard me... praying for patience... telling Jesus I wanted to be a patient person.... oh man, If i could only go back 20 years (wow, thats a looong time) and tell young Brooke to pray for blessings instead.   Not that I haven't received an abundance of blessings in my life, because I absolutely have... But Jesus definitely heard that prayer and granted it.   You see, when you pray for patience God doesn't just grant you that virtue... we know this.... He instead, gives us situations that require patience...  He gives us opportunities to become patient... it sucks.  

     He Gives Strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

    waiting is hard... waiting can be lonely... waiting can be frustrating and heartbreaking.   Waiting can be terrifying.

    I am a 34 year old woman who has spent most of her life waiting,  I couldn't wait to drive.   I couldn't wait to date, I couldn't wait to graduate... and dont even get me started on the husband... if you're reading this, then you probably know me.... and if you know me or ever knew me... you KNOW i waited on a husband.   And guess what?  Spending my time waiting didn't make time go by quicker.  Fixating on what I didn't have didn't inspire me, it discouraged me.   It didn't push me, it weighed me down.  Waiting the way I was waiting never left me feeling full or blessed, I lived a life not content, in fact contentment was a foreign idea.   I look back and can think of a million little things I missed out on in life and things God was trying to show me because I was so discontent in my waiting.

    When Jake and I got married I couldnt wait to get pregnant.   I told my friends and family that if I wasnt "super" pregnant by my birthday then I didnt even want to celebrate (sometimes I can be a little dramatic).  We had been trying for 6 months when I sobbed hysterically into a towel on the kitchen floor because i wasnt pregnant yet.   So, basically I am saying that I have had a million opportunities to be patient... and yet here I am... clearly lacking in the area, but I dont want to be that person anymore... in fact.. over the last few months I have felt that person slowly fading away, thankyou Jesus.  

    When Jake and I found out we would have to do IVF my first concern was how long it would take.  Turns out, IVF isnt a quick fix... its something that requires.... you guessed it... patience.   Lots of waiting... waiting for your cycle to start, waiting for your eggs to grow, waiting for the retrieval and embryo results, waiting to see if you get pregnant from it... then waiting 9 months to hold your baby.... the waiting game never ends.

    I recently joined a bible study at my church and we are going thru the book of Ruth.  what a story of waiting....  Waiting in uncertainty, waiting in grief,  waiting without hope....  can you relate?   But look at the blessings that came from FAITHFUL waiting.

TRUSTFUL WAITING.  HOPEFUL WAITING.  

"But those who wait on the Lord will RENEW their strength, they will SOAR on wings like eagles; they will RUN and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

It doesnt say "those who wait on the Lord will get what they want."  or "God will answer your prayers if you wait".   It says He will renew your strength IN the waiting.  waiting makes you strong.  Im learning that if I bring God into my waiting and cling tightly to His hand, then he will give me strength for WHATEVER happens.   He is a good and faithful God.  I can trust Him.  His faithfulness doesnt depend or rely on me at all.  He is faithful, period, thankyou Jesus.

In a couple weeks I'll start medications for IVF and then we will have a few months of waiting, we dont know what to expect... it can be so nerve racking and intimidating.. it can be so discouraging that people "accidently" get pregnant all the time and yet here we are, having to jump through all these hoops at our chance for a family...   But I know God will use this time to mold Jake and I, and ya know what?  Im going to let Him.   Im going to stop waiting in discontent and live in the present moment, soaking up what Jesus is telling me TODAY.  I know I can trust Him.