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 From the time I could play doll I wanted to be a mom.  A wife and a mom.  I was the Barbie that got married and had a baby the next.   I never dreamt of having a career or being in any other field other than a mom.  Being a wife and having babies - It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

  So, you can imagine my excitement when I met, dated, got engaged and married the good looking, absolute GEM Of a man, Jake Johnson.  I was thrilled to be a wife and so excited to start a family.  I was ecstatic when I got a positive pregnancy test after one month - everything was going according to plan - but sadly that pregnancy ended as quickly as it was discovered.   I was pretty shattered but thought it wouldn’t take long for another pregnancy and I wanted to move forward but month after month after  month it was negative.  

Infertility.  I thought I was exempt from it because of the ‘child bearing’ hips and high fertility that ran through my family.   Yet, here I was... newlywed, 6 months into trying and no baby.  I itched to get to the fertility specialist.  I saw my ob and he assured me it would happen if I relaxed and instructed us to try a full year, after that he would recommend us to a fertility specialist.   

Time feels like a ticking time bomb when your trying to concieve.   Every month feels like a failure, it kind of ruins everything.  I was grieving, depressed, unhealthy, anxious, defeated.  You name it.  This was my biggest fear.  After a year we went to the specialist.  After a bunch of tests, blood work, ultrasounds and money we were given our results.  It was right before Christmas.  

 2% chance of natural pregnancy.  

2.   

And the issue is not Jake.  The issue is me.  Our best bet is ivf.  Merry Christmas.

     I hid away and cried for... what felt like a long time.  I didn’t want to be apart of this group.  I certainly didn’t want anyone to know.   After a couple weeks we decided to start ivf.   I went in for my baseline ultrasound in February to begin and got the worst case of nerves I’ve ever had, I knew I needed a second opinion so we cancelled our round and took three months off infertility stuff and waited on an appointment At a different clinic for a second opinion.   I prayed over and over God would heal my body in those months and this whole thing would just be a false alarm - but, as expected - our results remained the same.  My peace however, was very different    I felt immediately that we found the place that would help us in our dream of a family.  

After a lot of praying we decided to start ivf.   We have our ivf class in two weeks and we are hopeful to start a may ivf round.   Over and over God has shown himself in ways I have never experienced. 

     This isn’t the story I wanted, this isn’t how I wanted to bring babies into the world, but this is my reality.   And I want it to also be my testimony.  God is faithful and unchanging.  His grace is sufficient in times of need.  I’m amazed by His goodness in the midst of a lot of bad.  I know I can trust Him.   We would appreciate all of the prayers as we start down the journey of ivf and as we share our journey.