From the time I could play doll I wanted to be a mom. A wife and a mom. I was the Barbie that got married and had a baby the next. I never dreamt of having a career or being in any other field other than a mom. Being a wife and having babies - It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
So, you can imagine my excitement when I met, dated, got engaged and married the good looking, absolute GEM Of a man, Jake Johnson. I was thrilled to be a wife and so excited to start a family. I was ecstatic when I got a positive pregnancy test after one month - everything was going according to plan - but sadly that pregnancy ended as quickly as it was discovered. I was pretty shattered but thought it wouldn’t take long for another pregnancy and I wanted to move forward but month after month after month it was negative.
Infertility. I thought I was exempt from it because of the ‘child bearing’ hips and high fertility that ran through my family. Yet, here I was... newlywed, 6 months into trying and no baby. I itched to get to the fertility specialist. I saw my ob and he assured me it would happen if I relaxed and instructed us to try a full year, after that he would recommend us to a fertility specialist.
Time feels like a ticking time bomb when your trying to concieve. Every month feels like a failure, it kind of ruins everything. I was grieving, depressed, unhealthy, anxious, defeated. You name it. This was my biggest fear. After a year we went to the specialist. After a bunch of tests, blood work, ultrasounds and money we were given our results. It was right before Christmas.
2% chance of natural pregnancy.
2.
And the issue is not Jake. The issue is me. Our best bet is ivf. Merry Christmas.
I hid away and cried for... what felt like a long time. I didn’t want to be apart of this group. I certainly didn’t want anyone to know. After a couple weeks we decided to start ivf. I went in for my baseline ultrasound in February to begin and got the worst case of nerves I’ve ever had, I knew I needed a second opinion so we cancelled our round and took three months off infertility stuff and waited on an appointment At a different clinic for a second opinion. I prayed over and over God would heal my body in those months and this whole thing would just be a false alarm - but, as expected - our results remained the same. My peace however, was very different I felt immediately that we found the place that would help us in our dream of a family.
After a lot of praying we decided to start ivf. We have our ivf class in two weeks and we are hopeful to start a may ivf round. Over and over God has shown himself in ways I have never experienced.
This isn’t the story I wanted, this isn’t how I wanted to bring babies into the world, but this is my reality. And I want it to also be my testimony. God is faithful and unchanging. His grace is sufficient in times of need. I’m amazed by His goodness in the midst of a lot of bad. I know I can trust Him. We would appreciate all of the prayers as we start down the journey of ivf and as we share our journey.
