25

I am 25.

did you know that 25 is the smallest square that can be written as a sum of 2 squares?

well... now you do :)

A few weeks back I read in a magazine (i will not confirm nor deny if it was Cosmo) that people are now going thru their mid-life crisis at 50.

40 is now fabulous. 50... is old.

Therefore people have started to go thru something called a quarter life crisis...

Quarter life crisis:

The psychological strain that is encountered on one's 25th birthday. Subject often realizes that he/she has lived a quarter century and still hasn't done anything consequential.

Im not going to lie to you guys.. because I would never do that.

25 has been a hard one to swallow and I'll tell you why..

There is this thing that lingers in the back on my mind... actually its closer to the front.

It taunts me. Causing much anxiety. It yells. it whispers. and jumps up out of no where. sometimes I'll just be going about my business having a perfectly wonderful time when all of the sudden it bears its ugly face and completely changes my mood.

I know what some of you are probably saying "oh brooke.. brookey-poo, brookster, brookey baby... you're so.... DRAMATIC.

But this aint drama people, this is real stuff. save the drama for your mama...

speaking of "mama".. I am still not one...

There it is again.. that "thing" that is always on my mind... allow me to share it with you... a little thing I like to call the

"time-line"

The time-line is the amount of time we have on this earth and the things we want to do in the time..... line.

My list is as follows.

** win American Idol.

** Be on Broadway.

** Attend the Ellen Degenerous show.

** Meet and possibly become her best friend. (im just saying if it happened that would be cool)

** Meet a striking, beautiful, sweet and confident man who will woo, adore and sweep me away with his charisma, swagga and style.

** have a beautiful, "knot" worthy wedding.

** Make beautiful babies and be a mom.

** Adopt some asians.

** Live in a cute old house with much charactor.

** ... win a million dollars

Okay.. so lets just say I decide to "dwindle" the list down a bit and take a few things off....

american idol gets the ax (its just not the same with Simon anyways)

Broadway gets the boot.

But you bet your bottom Dollar I'm keeping Ellen.

Okay.. so I'll trade the "knot" worthy wedding and settle for my living room and/or vegas.

But i'm not budging on the asian thing.

And a million dollars... eh. I can do without...

so basically that leaves getting married and having babies...

Alright..

so lets say I get married at 27.. and then start having kids by 29.... lets say I have three kiddos.... 2 years apart. so im roughly 35 when I stop having kids... then I want to adopt which takes about 2 years... so, i'll just adopt one then....so im around 37 when I have all my kids in my nest..... so... I'll be 40.. looking at the last 10 years and realzing that all I did was handle toddlers and poop. But at least I'll be fabulous.

I realize that this sounds dramatic, crazy even. and dare I say it... desperate?!

But for the last year I have written my heart down on a blog and shared with ya'll my thoughts, loves, fears.. the pretty and ugly.

so I gotta be real.

And to be "real" honest. that darn time-line... ugh.

I do realize that this isnt entirely true for everyone.. I mean.. heck, Khloe Kardashian got married in nine days.

And getting married isnt the most important thing... dont get me wrong... but.. it is on the list.

Maybe I should cast my energy on getting to Ellen. Maybe she'll read this and invite me to her show and she can council me thru this dilemma.. maybe....

(feel free to email her and tell her I need to meet her... FEEL free!)

On the brighter side I had a wonderful birthday with constant texts, voicemails, phone calls, gifts, cards, packages in the mail and a cake from my favorite 22 year old guy (my brother). and over 150 facebook posts.

ya'll made me realize that the biggest thing in life is something I already possess... love! :)

Thanks for loving this old fart! :)