He sings over me but does my life sing to Him?

Hey friends, told you I was back to the blogging world... this is my third post in like 3 days...

this is either awesome or ridiculous...

definitley awesome. :)

I am currently sitting on the floor in my living room... I should be vacuuming or something... there is plenty to do around here.. like fold a TON of laundry.. but instead Im just sitting here.. on the floor. I just finished painting... i love painting :) I actually just finished two paintings of princesses for Addi and Grace (old nanny family from omaha).

*** side note... when painting try to remember which plastic cup is your sweet tea and which cup is your paint water other wise your in for an unpleasant surprise ****

*** another side note: resolve carpet cleaner is my new best friend.. i use it on everything, carpet, clothes... anything with a stain.. its amaze ****

(i have started to abbrev. everything. examples : amaze, gorg, delish, fab, hyster)... its taking on a life of its own.)

Okay, now to the subject of this post...

I can be negative. I'm sure I'm the only one, none of you can be negative... right?

I can be straight up mean. I hate this about myself yet at I cant deny it.

I have a weird and complex personality.

What I mean is that I am so quick to get over something. I can literally be mad one minute and then totally over it the next... but I am also stubborn... I am super passionate (some people may use the word dramatic but I like "passionate" more). I feel BIG (not I feel "large" but when I feel an emotion I feel it in a BIG way.) and I'm always honest about how I feel and its really hard for me not to voice how I feel. (not always a good thing)

I embellish when I'm heated. I used to embellish all the time, but now its only when Im getting worked up.. and even then its rare. (some people would call it lying but I like "embellish" more).

I am flawed. I mess up. I put me first constantly. I like control.

I... I... I... me.. me.. me. Brooke. Brook. BrookE.

So, today I was really struggling with something going on in my life and I was driving home from work with a MILLION things going thru my mind.... example??

School, schedules, work, family, church, work, money, budget, school, family... it was like a ferris wheel of emotions... just a constant circle...

I turned on my radio to try to block out my loud and annoying thoughts when I heard a lyric to a song playing (on no other station than the good ol' klove.)

"my heart will sing to you"

I dont know what song it was, I had never heard it before and by the time I turned the radio on the song was almost over.... but I caught the part I SO needed to hear.

After hearing it I began to feel this CRAZY conviction...

Does my heart sing to Him?

I feel like my heart sings a million different songs thru out my day. My heart sings to sweet little Hayden and Emory from 7-4. But in between bottles and books, naps and snacks, my heart is singing a million other songs... maybe you've heard them...

"Old Miss Brookey needs more cash... ee-yi-ee-yi-OHHHHHH"

or

"The wheels on my car are going flat, going flat, going flat... I really need more oil stat.. all the way to town."

my heart is singing songs of fear all the time.. songs about self worth.... am I gaining weight? Do I look okay? I need to fix this or that about me...

My heart is singing songs of fear about my future.. whats next? as I slowly let go of the fantasies of childhood I am more and more fearful that I'll live my life alone.

Songs of anxiety... songs of fear... not-s0-nice-songs that a good christian girl shouldnt be singing to herself.

And you know that enemy... he Lo-hoooves this. He creeps right in and thrives on me when I get like this.

Now listen up ya'll. Im a real girl, with real feelings and when I'm wrong I'm really wrong.

(Just wanted to clarify because I know you all think I'm flawless and perfect.)

ARE YOU LAUGHING?

But my point is Im not always strong.. in fact most the time I fail... and today when the enemy came after me I failed. I totally bought into him and started to defend my... "songs". Do you ever do that? You sing these songs over yourself all day long about the things you are NOT or the things you DONT have.... and then defend it??!!

"I just need to complain" "I need to get this off my chest" "im being human" "you would hate it too if you werent happy with your body".... it goes on and on.

Its like the enemy convinces us to defend these.. "songs"... but then after we have defended our "songs" it makes us feel even worse. And the last thing we feel like doing is... singing.

"my heart sings to you".

A couple years ago I heard this worship song called "amazed" and the first lyric is this:

You dance over me while I am unaware.... You sing all around but I never hear a sound.

ugh, that gets me everytime... I just picture the Lord dances slowly and beautifully above me as I go thru my life. I imagine Him looking over my situation and singing over me.

So if God is singing over me then how different would I look (my attitude, my heart, my worth) if I made it priority for my heart to constantly be singing to Him.

And trading out the ee-Yi-ee-Yi-oh for a How Great is our God....

Living a life of singing to him WITH my life. Easy? no way. Probably pretty hard because I'm a passionate and flawed individual... But necessary.??.... heck yes.

I was so reminded in my car that God is singing over my life RIGHT now. All the junk I'm sorting thru and with every tear I shed HE is singing and dancing over Brooke. (so thankful).

So... I think its time... that I sing back.

We should start a choir.

Uncle Jim

Okay ya'll... are you ready for a bit of Brooke's Family tree?? Here we go...

My moms name is Char and her parents are Paul and Marge.

Paul and Marge have 8 kids... that was not a typo.. they have EIGHT. They are as follows...

Ron, Karen, Fred, Sharon, Deb, Gayle, Diane and Char.

My whole life I have been VERY close to my aunts and uncles but VERY VERY close to my aunts. Spent many summers at Aunt Karens picking strawberries in her garden, always enjoyed visits with Aunt Beav (Diane... we have always called her Beav... weird) and Aunt Sharon. Eaten pounds and pounds of popcorn with Auntie (gayle) and watched movies. Even with Uncle Ron I would go see him and Aunt Weezy in Florida where they lived and I have always looked forward to the times I would get to see Uncle Fred! They are all the best and I love them so so much... But there is only one that I have been compared to my ENTIRE life.. and thats Deb. Ever since I can remember I have heard things like "You sound just like DEB!" or "you are your aunt deb". Here are the things me and that lovely woman have in common... we leave things like shoes and earrings in random places then cannot find them to save our lives, we dont clean out our purses when we switch, we say what we think even when we shouldnt (ha), but we love BIG and are quick to forgive... we can be mad at you one second and over it the next. I am most like my aunt Deb and I love that. :)

My aunt deb is married to my uncle Jim. They have been married almost 20 years. Uncle Jim is sweet and kind... possibly the sweetest and most kind man you could ever meet. Would never do so much as mumble a negative word about someone. ALWAYS smiling, incredibly genuine... and insanely happy. But most of all he is CRAZY in love with my Aunt Deb. I'm talking CRAZY in love. EVer since I was a little girl and I would see them Uncle Jim would start singing and serenade Aunt Deb... I can hear him now....

Wise men say only fools rush in, but I cant help falling in love with you......

He sang that to her all the time, it was how he told her he loved her when they were dating... it was their song... and no matter where they were or what they were doing he would sing it to her, and only her.. it was so sweet.

Uncle Jim was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago and was given two years, but thru treatments and lots of prayer the Lord gave him 6. Last sunday, while at home, with Aunt Deb right next to him he peacefully left this world and went "home". From what I've heard it sounds like he knew the time was close and made sure to say his goodbyes... Saturday night before falling asleep he had one more thing to tell my aunt Deb before he went to sleep... "I just love Jesus so much"... then he went to sleep and while sleeping went to heaven. What a legacy he left.

As many of you who are reading this now I have wanted one thing more than any other thing since I was like... well... 4. Seriously. and thats to be married. I have so longed for a husband. At times its been an unhealthy obsession, ha. But as of right now I would say its just a "dream". There have been a few guys in the picture lately and although each has had its one wonderful traits I have known they werent the "one".

If there is anything I learned from Uncle Jim it was to wait. Wait for the one. Wait for my Jim. My aunt deb has told me that since I was little... I can hear her now saying "wait honey, you gotta wait precious girl, its so worth it!". And although I have always believed her, I dont think I have completely gotten it till now.

Uncle Jim was just awesome. If you have been reading my blog then you might remember me talking about going to tennessee last thanksgiving and going to the hoe-down (throwdown). Well, Uncle Jim was in the band that played there at the barn dance. He was the reason we went. And I'm so thankful for that memory of him. I cant think of a single bad thing about him and if you had known him then you wouldnt be able to either. He was such a sweet and precious man who loved my aunt Debbie more than anything.

Aunt Deb, you are loved by me. So happy we have the bond that we do and I'm proud to be a "little debbie". you are so precious to me. I will honor Jims life by waiting for a guy like him and not settling for less and by loving God with all my heart.

Save a place for my Uncle Jim.... love ya.

back to the blogging world!

Hey All. So, lately I have been missing Blogging like no other... I think I'm a seasonal blogger. It was just about a year ago that I started this blog and originally I was inspired by fall... and food.

Welp, a year has passed and I'm inspired by the same things... Whoops?

Which is why I have diagnosed myself as a seasonal blogger.... Just didnt blog much over the summer... but dont worry people... the blogging Brooke is back in action. (say that 10 times fast.)

Anyways... let me catch you up with all the big events in my life the last 6 months... ha (im being sarcastic).

ps: I'm dividing this into two blogs....

Actually there have been some big events... I moved from Omaha (home) to Overland Park, Kansas (aka: new home... aka: kansas city). I have an adorable and homey but very little one bedroom apartment. My family has visited on many occasions and its always so fun... the only thing I dont like is that we have to turn my living room into a bedroom with a blow up mattress... (an AMAZING one, by the way). The first time they visited we had mom and dad in my room, with me, brandon and brit all in the living room.... me & brit on the air mattress and brandon on the couch. It was that night that i started to imagine my "next" place... hopefully a house (obviously I'm planning on staying in this apartment for a few years)....

I imagined the spacious 3 (0r 4) bedr00m with big living room and an actual dining room that doesnt act as a dining room/music room/entry-way.... as I was dreaming away my thoughts were interrupted by a saying my mom used to always tell us when we were kids... "love grows best in little spaces". That night i decided to not complain about my adorable and homey but very little one bedroom apartment. :) and i havent ever since. :) (knock on wood)

I have been nannying for the Huntingtons almost 6 months now. (SO CRAZY). Emory is talking like crazy and so far her favorite saying is "girl please!" She also likes to show me everything.. her socks.. her shoes... her stuffed animals.... her fingernails... everything. Needless to say my days with Emory consist of these two sayings.. "Girl, please!" and "brooke Look!". She is precious! :) Hayden is becoming a little butterball and will be 1 year old in January! He is smiling and cooing and laughing and just so stinking cute! :) They fill my days with hugs, kisses, high-fives and giggles... I really and truly LOVE being a nanny!

Speaking of being a nanny... I have been struggling for the last couple years with how long I will do this. I have been nannying for over 7 years. And Ive had the most amazing families and watched the most amazing kids, but as each job ended it got harder and harder to say goodbye. Which is always hard for me because I get so attached to the family... case in point (or is it case and point? Ive never known).... I text with Jozette at least once a week. (jozette is my old boss.. ha) and I have planned two trips to see them... both of which have been cancelled... this makes me cry a little.

So all of that to say I havent been sure how many more nanny days I have in me.... Everytime I think I'm done there is another family that comes my way and I . just.cant.RESIST!

I have, however, been feeling the itch to try something new... so I'm going to HAIR SCHOOL! :) and starting on Monday... The schedule will be crazy busy but will only last a year. going to beauty school was actually what I wanted to do when I graduated highschool... but decided to attend a university instead... so glad becauase thats how i met 5 of my 6 best friends!

(Jess, Brit, Kel and Les).

I just figured that since I have moved away from mom and dad, living on my room, trying all these new things... why not do something I have always wanted to do.. ya picking up what I'm droppin??

So whether im cutting someones hair or taking kids to the park I'm confident I'll be happy doing whatever it is....... that I'm doing... (long sentence).

In other news.... sad and happy news... I said goodbye to an uncle this last week. Good ol' Jolly Uncle Jim... If you care to know all about this then read the Uncle Jim blog... I'm splitting them up! :)

Happy Fall! :)